Wednesday, 22 January 2014

Dear Vodafone

Mail from Vodafone reads ...

 "For the price of an ice cream, you can use your UK minutes, texts and data in Europe like you would back home. It's just an extra £3 a day."

 ... they're buying their ice-cream in the wrong place.

You can get four mint choc chip cornettos for a quid from most shops. That's 25p per cornetto. In real money that means I could buy twelve cornettos for every one that Vodafone buys.

I think we know who's the real winner here. It's me. That £3 I'm saying every day can go on ice cream instead, and I never have to leave the house. I'll grow enormous through continually eating nothing but cornettos, but financially it will still be a saving over the inflated prices they want to charge me for using the phone services already paid for.

It could be called ... economnomics.

Friday, 3 January 2014

Pet hate for 2014 - Quotes

Quotes - you can be inspirational and a source of wonderment. Some of the time we like you, and sometimes ... we dislike you.

Already my pet hate for the year is beginning to crystalise.

Those quotes which get trotted out by people who've found them and then look to bend and adapt the words to fit a recent event. Or the inane quotation which simply doesn't make sense no matter what angle you look at it from.

Bad quotes. Used by good people, badly.

Already the Monroe-isms are creeping into the year ...

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
- Marilyn Monroe

If people don't know what your best is or haven't seen it, why on earth should they suffer the worst in the hope things may improve? The saving grace of Miss Monroe for being quoted on this was she was an international icon and pin-up which isn't something we can all achieve, and perhaps if you want to make headway with people there would be merit in showing us the beautiful person who doesn't need a disclaimer to excuse their behaviour.

The above sounds more akin to the manifesto of an egocentric bipolar person in need of assistance. Not exactly inspiring as an outlook for oneself or even from the viewpoint of others.

The misquoted quotation ...

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."
- pick your author

So far I've found JRR Tolkien and Bob Marley as authors for those. There's also due consideration to be given here to author context, potential for whether this is wisdom dispensed or experienced shared. One was a bicycle hugging, Beowulf loving, Oxford professor with a penchant for writing in code ... the other was a spiritual man who confessed to killing a local law enforcement representative (but not his subordinate), oh and occasionally a musician. Or even if it's attributable to either.

That's without a comparison to similar quotes with the same intention, such as "Even a cornered rat will fight" (unknown), or my own favourite of"When the going gets tough, the tough get going" (Billy Ocean). At least you knew both of those could happily be applied to Danny DeVito in Jewel of the Nile.

To summarise ...

"The problem with quotes on the Internet is that it is hard to verify their authenticity."
- Abraham Lincoln

Don't pick the quote and retrofit a sentiment to it, and then enjoy a celebratory chin stroke. It's the linguistic equivalent of a Chinese symbol tattoo and explaining to the family it's the real you they've never gotten to know. Quotes can serve a purpose, but let's ensure there's a relevant context.